Perhaps I have almost completed creating a new lifestyle. I have concentrated on changing my lifestyle over a month. I will start updating this blog again little by little.
What I did over the past month
This past month was hard but exciting because I made many changes to my lifestyle. Perhaps it was the most significant external change I have experienced. Last year, I fixed my inner problems. And this year, I started to change my outside. A slow life was one of my ideals. So I began to create my slow life this year.
And about a month ago, I started to discard the disgusting things in my life. The trigger was my heat stroke. It made me drive into it.
I ended many things, such as using SNS, my tiny garden, fishing, picking shellfish, and unnecessary prepping for the future. And I also stopped intense exercise. I thought they were investments or healthy activities. But I noticed that they were costs or unwanted loads for my life now.
Feeling my grandmother’s kitchen
Then, yesterday, at last, I realized that my discarding phase was completed. I discarded many things and cleaned my house. I cleaned mainly my kitchen.
The moment I threw away the last dirty cleaning rags and saw my old but shiny kitchen, I suddenly remembered my grandmother’s kitchen. I loved my grandmother and her house. Her kitchen was old but clean and comfortable, with warm sunshine, calm wind, and decently organized cookware. When I was a child, I felt there was no place where I could forgive myself. But her house was one of the most comfortable places for me.
And I felt such peace of mind in my current, cleaned kitchen.
Where my soul can go back
At that time, I realized that what I had created was not a slow life. What I created was my “home.” That is not only the meaning of the place to live, but also the calm place where my soul can go back.
After I grew up, I lived in many places. But I never felt “I’m back home” when I was back home. They were not the “home” to “back.” They were just the place to “go and stay temporarily.” I never felt deeply relaxed because I had no “home.” And I also didn’t notice that I didn’t have such a “home.”
But yesterday, I felt “this is my home” for the first time. At that moment, I felt deeply relaxed and calm about my life. I got a “home.” I can go back here. This is a safe place to live. There is forgiveness for living as I am.
My grandmother is already dead. And her house also does not exist now. But she left me a great thing—the “home” to go back. I think this past month was the time to notice it by creating the atmosphere of her kitchen.
Conclusion
So I have created my “home” over the past month. I used to think I was creating a slow life. But it was my misunderstanding. What I wanted was a “home” to go back to. And it gave me deep satisfaction for my “thirst.” So I concentrated on it.
After I felt my grandmother’s kitchen from my current kitchen, I naturally prayed with gratitude. At last, I got a “home” for my soul. Now I feel deep calm because I know that I was allowed to live as I am here—just as my grandmother did to me.
Perhaps we might have such a place, even if we feel that we are not to be allowed to live as we are. And this might be one of the “changing outside” that fulfills our inside. We might not need to achieve something great.
If we understand such a way of changing, we might be able to create a more comfortable life.
I will start updating this blog more frequently, little by little.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you at the next one.
