Since I am preparing to move and have felt various emotions, I will talk about my recent experience. It is about how to get out of an exhausting negative thought loop.
How to calm down our emotions
Sometimes, we want to calm down our emotions. We could have stubborn emotions such as worry, sadness, or anger. They often exhaust us.
To resolve these emotions, we have to face them and feel them as they are, as I mentioned in the previous article (this article).
However, we sometimes don’t know what the emotion is. Some are superficial, and the underlying emotions are hidden. If we are stuck in these superficial emotions, we cannot resolve them.
In such a case, my recent experience might help you. Noticing discomfort in our ideas could lead to a resolution. Let me talk about it.
My recent experience in resolving my emotions
Recently, I was forced to change my environment. I had to leave my current house. That stressed me and caused various emotions inside me.
One stubborn emotion was triggered by contact with my parents. I am not good at them and met them for the first time in 5 to 6 years.
Whenever I interacted with my parents, I felt helpless against myself, and this time was no different. They only allow the common social values and don’t accept individuality like mine.
After communicating with them, I noticed various negative emotions arising. I had wanted to make them happy for a long time, but I could not. I was surprised by their aging. I felt I didn’t want them to die before I made them happy.
I knew this was my emotional problem, not their problem. I let the emotions arise. I felt them as they were.
Superficial emotions and the underlying emotion
However, resolving these emotions was hard. I was stuck in a loop of worries and regrets. That prevented me from resolving those emotions, even if I tried to feel them as much as possible.
This was because they were superficial emotions. The underlying emotions were hidden. As long as we are distracted by the superficial ones, we cannot resolve them.
The small discomfort made me realize it. I was afraid of their death without being happy, but I also noticed something wrong. I felt that was not accurate. I didn’t feel that emotion toward my grandmother, whom I loved. Why was I scared of it only for them, who I am not good at?
Resolving the emotion
Then, I finally found the correct emotion. I feared my death. Their death doesn’t matter. I thought that their deaths could affect me negatively. That caused my superficial worries. In other words, the fear of my death was the hidden underlying emotion.
Although I felt like I was a coldhearted person, I accepted and felt the fear of my death. After that, my stubborn worries disappeared immediately.
Our emotions are sometimes simple. If we cannot resolve it, try finding discomfort in those emotions. There should be lies. That could lead to the resolution.
After resolving the emotions, I recovered logical sense. My parents live based on their values. They are already happy. This is because living on one’s values without distorting them brings them happiness. This means I can live on my values as well. Even if I don’t make them glad, they are already happy.
After noticing the emotion
By the way, after noticing it, I considered why I fear death. That made me think of what is alive.
My definition of being alive is a state of following one’s values. That made me determine, ‘Until I die, I shall live.’
The lies that caused superficial emotions disappeared. I can live based on my values. One of my values was that I wanted to make others happy. That was my good point. I didn’t need to blame the emotions at all.
That realization made me feel, ‘I am alive now.’ Although I was under the stress of change, I had always followed my values.
Sometimes, we feel alive in hard times. That may be a gift to enjoy changes.
Conclusion
That was my recent experience of getting out of an exhausting negative thought loop.
There could be an underlying emotion. If we cannot resolve emotions, try finding discomfort in them.
This knowledge might help us resolve our emotions.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you in the next one.
