I have started living rationally since last year, and it improved my life dramatically in the short term. Surprisingly, almost all of my problems, including money, work, and human relationships, have been resolved.
One example was the relationship with my mother. It was one root cause of my mental confusion. Let’s introduce how I solved it.
How to solve terrible relationships with our parents
Sometimes, we want to resolve strained relationships with our parents. People who struggle with an inferiority complex tend to experience more conflict and distance themselves from their parents.
I had also had such a problem since childhood. I could not get along with my parents, especially my mother.
Our parents were usually the main factor in our mental confusion. In other words, they also had an inferiority complex. That caused our mental confusion, almost as if it were a hereditary disease.
Mental confusion creates discord. Although we love them and want to get along with them, they cannot understand us. That is why we want to resolve the relationship with them.
Rational judgment can solve it. I discovered and verified it with my experience. Today, I will explain how I restored the terrible relationship with my mother. This perspective may solve your stress in human relationships.
Recognizing unreasonable people’s behavior
Rational judgment enables us to recognize unreasonable people’s behavior. That solves confused conversation and interaction.
In other words, we will be able to speak about things directly. That eliminates the discord of an inferiority complex.
To make it easier to understand, let’s look at my case.
After I started to live rationally, I decided to live with my parents at their home.
I started enjoying the following two contradictory positions:
- I have come to enjoy being a weak and powerless child. There is no rational reason to refuse something that brings me a reasonable benefit.
- I began helping my mother with her tough housework tasks as a competent person. Supporting someone in need satisfied my empathy.
We have such conflicting desires. The question is how to use them appropriately.
My mother’s complexity
On the other hand, my mother, who was less empathic and less logical, had the following contradictory wants:
- She wanted to appear empathic and support someone. That made her use empathic words and attitudes without sensing others’ emotions.
- She wanted someone to help her. She felt that it was unfair that she had to handle so much of the housework. However, her desire to appear empathic prevented her from insisting on it directly. That made her criticize her surroundings with empathic—but irrational—words.
Those desires caused incoherent behaviors. Although she wanted to appear competent as a mother, she wanted help in reality. Her words went against her wants. It was a typical contradiction of a person with a mental complex.
That caused our confusion. When our rational thinking is not developed enough, we often feel something is wrong without being able to identify what it is.
Judging rationally
Rationality immediately solved it. It enabled me to judge based on her attitude rather than her words.
In other words, judge based on their attitudes, and don’t focus on their words. After all, people with an inferiority complex are mentally confused and unreasonable. The more we try to recognize and correct their logic, the more confused we become.
When our rationality is still immature, we try to listen to the opponent’s logic as sincerely as possible. However, there is ignorance of the reality that makes us vulnerable: some are unreasonable. Complicated logic doesn’t work on unreasonable people. We must logically determine that we need a different way to handle it.
That is why developing rationality is important. It enables us to do the following two things: ignoring the words of irrational people and communicating with simple reasons. We judge mainly on their attitudes and avoid arguing on a logical level. Then, we interact based on simple, integrated reasons.
That allows us to communicate directly without using confusing words and logic.
Using rationality as a communication language
In my case, I stopped communicating with my mother with empathic vocabulary and logic. I started to say, ‘Shall I help?’
Since I don’t use confusing words, she can honestly answer with a simple yes or no. When she said yes, I helped willingly. Helping someone in need made me happy. When she said no, I didn’t help, no matter how much she was struggling.
That made her understand that there was no need to be considerate of others’ emotions, especially with me. I stopped being empathic; that allowed her to answer honestly without pretending to be considerate to others. I became able to communicate with her properly.
In other words, rationality enabled direct communication while eliminating confusing vocabulary and logic. Rationality is a language of communication with people. It allows us to interact without decorations, even in the conversations inside our minds.
After I was able to communicate without confusion, I could interact with my mother without stirring emotions. I have become able to express my desires directly, and she is the same.
That allowed me to feel her love. When I was able to communicate properly, I became able to feel others’ love.
Conclusion
That was how I resolved the terrible relationship with my mother.
Rational judgment enables us to recognize unreasonable people’s behavior.
That solves confused conversation and interaction.
This perspective may solve your stress in human relationships.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you in the next one.
