This year, I started rational living. That reduced my stress in life significantly, especially in interacting with people. Recently, I finally became able to explain it more clearly. Let’s talk about it.
How to reduce social stress
I had a problem: my life had been difficult for me.
My uniqueness prevented me from living the same way as my surroundings. However, I didn’t know how to live well with my nature.
I had many mental issues. My intense empathy made it difficult for me to control my emotions. I could not distinguish the boundary between myself and others. Although I wanted to live honestly with myself, I also knew that I was lying to myself. I didn’t even know what I was lying to myself about. It was as if an uncontrollable other self—which can be called the inner child—lived inside me.
I could not understand not only myself but also the world. Although I felt everyone was lying, I could not identify what was a lie and what was reliable.
In other words, I was confused about values. I didn’t know what I could rely on. I could trust neither the world nor myself.
Fortunately and unintentionally, a rational way of life solved those problems. This year, I started living rationally. I soon realized instinctively that it would solve my mental issues, and it did. Now, much of the stress in my life has disappeared.
I have long wanted to share this change about how I began to perceive the world. Then, I finally became able to verbalize it. Today, I will explain it with the metaphor of eyes.
The metaphor of eyes
We can reduce stress by relying on at least two of our senses. Although using two senses simultaneously can cause contradictions, it enables us to identify the lies in ourselves and the world. That solves mental confusion.
To make it easier to understand, let’s look at the metaphor of eyes.
We have two eyes. If you are blind or can see with only one eye, please imagine that you have two.
Our two eyes make our perception of the world inconsistent. The right eye and the left eye are slightly misaligned. Try holding up one of your fingers in front of your eyes and looking at it without focusing on it. You will see two fingers, despite extending only one finger. That perception is contradictory.
However, when you focus your eyes on the finger, you will understand it as a single finger and also gain the additional information: the distance. In other words, two eyes provide us with depth perception while sacrificing the consistency of unfocused areas.
The sense of distance makes our lives easier. It helps us grasp objects and avoid obstacles. Without it, we would bump into things and struggle with them. That stresses us and makes us feel our lives are difficult.
Two senses we have
The same goes for the senses we have.
People can have four different senses: a competitive mind, sociality, empathy, and logical sense.
If we are empathic and logical, we have two main senses: empathy and logical sense.
- Empathy is meant to judge based on emotions and past experiences. Although it enables us to decide quickly, we cannot create change. Since it is instinctive, we cannot shut off this perception.
- Logical sense is meant to judge based on rationality. Although it takes time to deduce and make judgments, it enables us to change and adapt to new situations. Since it is not instinctive, we can shut off this perception.
This logic explains why our lives often become difficult. Using both while accepting contradictions reduces the stress in our lives. Since we cannot stop empathy, perceiving by our logical sense makes our lives easier.
The root of our suffering is not knowing how to relate to society. If we are empathic and logical, we are often poor at socializing. Even if we trust someone, we can still be betrayed, as we come to know the other aspects of them. We sometimes try to be too close too suddenly and make the other person feel uncomfortable. That makes us feel pain.
In other words, we don’t know how much distance to keep when interacting with people. That makes us avoid all social contact, even if we want to help others.
Understanding the distance
For empathic and logical people, rationally processing the other person’s emotions provides a sense of distance, which gives us moderation.
That prevents excessive over-expectation and under-expectation. In other words, we can reduce social stress.
We can show different sides of ourselves depending on the level of distance. Even if we misread someone’s distance and make them unpleasant, we can treat that as feedback and respond appropriately.
We gradually understand that they will forgive us soon if we maintain a proper distance. That keeps us from being emotionally stirred. In other words, the inability to feel distance torments us emotionally.
To realize that, we have to give up consistency. When we add logic to emotions, many things can appear contradictory, like the example of the eyes I mentioned above. However, if we focus our senses on the object, we can perceive the distance, which tells us how much we should reveal ourselves.
That reduces our stress. We stop expecting those who are distant from us. On the other hand, we can show our honest feelings to those who are closer to us. We can understand that the hearts may be far apart even if the physical distance is close, and vice versa. That relaxes us.
Conclusion
That is my feeling about how I began to perceive the world.
We can reduce stress by relying on at least two of our senses.
Although using two senses simultaneously can cause contradictions, it enables us to identify the lies in ourselves and the world.
That might help solve your mental struggles related to empathy.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you in the next one.
