Let’s talk about empathy. Today, I will introduce a way to reduce rewardless efforts.
How to stop unrewarded efforts
Sometimes, we want to stop rewardless efforts. We could be obsessive about pleasing others, especially if we are empathic.
Empathy is a mental feature that allows us to feel others’ emotions. Helping people with troubles makes us happy. Empathy makes others’ pleasure into our happiness. That is why empathic people tend to be kind to weak people, while less empathic people leave behind or bully them.
A fear of meaninglessness
Although empathy looks like a good feature, it also makes us suffer frequently.
The inability to stop unrewarded efforts is a typical example. We might try to help others who are never satisfied, no matter how much we try. We might continue to work or care for others, such as parents or bosses, without a fair reward. However, we want enough rewards, such as money or gratitude. We might fear we cannot make anyone happy. We might think of ourselves as worthless because we feel such a useless life for others is meaningless.
They force us to contribute to others, no matter how we suffer from rewardlessness.
That is why we want to stop rewardless efforts.
However, we sometimes cannot stop them due to our obsession with making others happy.
Today, I will explain the mental logic behind why we are often obsessed with making others happy. Making others happy is as addictive as drugs. This knowledge might tell us we don’t have to help people so much and free us from our sufferings.
Why making others happy is similar to drugs
Making others happy is similar to drugs in terms of making ourselves ‘happy.’ The more empathic we are, the more we could be addicted to it.
Empathy gives us intense pleasure, such as excitement, fulfillment, delight, or ecstasy. We forget all our pains and indulge in the pleasure that lasts long.
That intense pleasure makes us want to taste it repeatedly. It is the same as drag.
The reason why we have empathy
Then, why do we have such intense pleasure when we help others?
Perhaps that is because helping weak people creates less reward for helpers. Usually, all primitive life, such as fish or insects, doesn’t help others with trouble because it is unnecessary. A strong life wins or survives. That is the basis of nature.
However, evolved lives, such as mammals, have become socially cooperative because society gives them efficiency. Helping weak individuals is a typical example. The more evolved life is, the fewer children they can give birth to, and the more expensive it is to raise children. They have to protect weak individuals to keep the population and avoid extinction.
That is why empathic people are essential for the evolved species like humans.
A mental reward instead of a physical one
Although empathic people are socially necessary, helping weak people usually doesn’t give helpers physical rewards because they tend to have fewer social resources. Children or poor people cannot reward powerful or wealthy adults enough.
That is why empathic people get intense pleasure from helping them. If there is no physical benefit, there is only a mental reward. That is how our life system made us who we are. That mental reward makes us feel like giving others our hands continuously.
That makes us stick to unrewarded efforts, even if we know it will not pay off. We might serve our parents or company bosses even if there is no reward but suffering. It is the same as drag. With dreaming, “one day, they will be grateful and reward me,” even if we know it will never happen.
The imagination of the future fills us in the present, no matter how unrealistic it may be. That is how empathy works.
Quitting the drug of empathy
To stop such suffering, we can quit having the drug of empathy. Hoping or imagining such a never-rewarded mental reward is unhealthy.
An emotionally fulfilling life is not the only good life.
In my case, I have come to love the meditative way of life. Meditation is a state with fewer emotional movements. Although we cannot feel intense excitement, we can feel humble emotional movements. It is the same as preferring frugality rather than a gorgeous life. That is also comfortable and joyful.
In this mental state, feeling meaning doesn’t matter. We can be comfortable without the meaning of life or activity. Meditation allows us to be natural.
On the other hand, an overdose of empathy causes fear of boredom. Empathy makes us feel boredom as a meaningless life. That is an unhealthy state.
Quitting such an overdose balances our mental state. In my case, that allowed me to enjoy using empathy in moderation.
Conclusion
That is the mental logic behind why we are often obsessed with making others happy.
Making others happy is as addictive as drugs.
This knowledge might tell us we don’t have to help people so much and free us from our sufferings.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you in the next one.
