Since I released my newest product, the story tarot, I have been interested in thinking tools. Thinking tools are tools that allow us to organize our thoughts more efficiently. And we can enjoy it like a thinking game if it works well.
So, I made a new, simple thinking tool to let go of others’ values. I call it the “Time Scale Mapping of Dreams and Worries.” Today, I will introduce it.
How to let go of others’ values
We sometimes have trouble due to confusing others’ values with ours. We have values. We usually hear it as our inner voice. If we can follow our values, we seldom regret failing.
But sometimes, others’ values shout in our minds, “You should do this!” That confuses us because it prevents us from hearing our soft inner voices. And the more we are used to the loud shouts, the more natural we feel them. In other words, we start to misunderstand it as our inner voice.
That sometimes brings us suffering because we feel, “I have to live this way.” For example, if we are confused with values, we might feel, “I must be useful to others.” “I must make people happy.” Or “I must not fail.” Usually, they are unnecessary. But we misunderstand that we must.
In such a situation, my new thinking tool might help us. I call it the “Time Scale Mapping of Dreams and Worries.” It might help us reduce others’ value and find ours.
Time Scale Mapping of Dreams and Worries
Below is the thinking tool. This is a single sheet of paper with a timeline and a priority. You can download it and print it in A4.
PDF File (A4 size):
How to use:
- You think of your dreams and the worries you have now.
- Plot them along the timeline with the affected period and priority in the graph. Prioritize more things you feel: “Someday, I want to do it.” And reduce the priority of things you feel: “I must do it.”
- You think in terms of the longest span. You will realize there is nothing you can do for the birth of the next universe. So, you will understand that everything we do will be wasted in the future.
- Then, you pick a thing you want to do in your life, even if it will be wasted. It is okay, even if it is for short-term satisfaction. That is the most meaningful thing for you now. That will lead you to a meaningful future.
- Repeat the previous step several times. And you return your perspective from the longest span to your life span. In other words, forget about the affairs of the universe.
- You will notice that you are less worried about others’ value and feel more about your own.
Removing everything from our tables
This is the same as our working table. When we are confused about values, too many things are on our tables. There are even others’ things.
At such a time, we remove everything from our tables. We don’t distinguish whether it is necessary or not, whether it is ours or not. After removing all of them, we will have an empty table. We will feel lonely or empty in life because we can do nothing.
But we pick up one thing to do, even if it will be wasted in the future. That is the most meaningful thing for us now. Sometimes, it will be a short-term satisfaction, such as sleeping well, eating delicious foods, or seeing the sea quietly alone. But that will lead us to our future.
Fears for the meaningless result
One of the differences between others’ values and ours is whether we stick to the result. Others’ value usually says, “It is meaningless if I don’t make results.” On the other hand, in our values, there is fulfillment in our process. Our values say, “It is okay, even if I cannot achieve the final goal. I can move in that direction and leave something for future generations, even if what I can leave will be little.”
In other words, if we live only on others’ values, we come to fear the fact that everything we do will be meaningless after the death of the earth.
On the other hand, if we live based on our values, we don’t fear that. We can live in time. For example, if we see a crying child due to sadness, we feel like helping him. The achievement or the end of the universe does not matter because he has the future to feel his happiness, such as joy, excitement, relaxation, sadness, depression, or turning bad pasts into meaningful ones. Perhaps that is also an aspect of life.
Conclusion
So, if you want to let go of others’ values, try the new thinking tool I introduced above. I call it the “Time Scale Mapping of Dreams and Worries.”
We clear our values by looking from the longest view. Then, we pick up one thing, even if it will be wasted. That will be the most meaningful thing for us now.
This way of thinking might help us to let go of others’ values.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you at the next one.
