These days, I have explained the thinking process behind mental confusion. I realized another typical phenomenon for those with a mental complex: they associate with similar, mentally unhealthy people. Let’s discuss it.
How do mentally healthy people feel?
Sometimes, we want to be around mentally healthy people. They don’t stimulate our inferiority complex. Being with them makes us feel at ease.
However, we sometimes cannot distinguish them. We may even feel uncomfortable when with them without knowing why.
On the other hand, people with mental confusion tend to associate with others who are similar, in my experience. In fact, I also felt a strange sense of comfort with people who had a mental complex in the past.
In other words, there is a strange phenomenon: people with unhealthy mental states associate with similar people. That prevents us from sensing how healthy people feel and think.
Recently, I finally figured out why such a tendency occurs. Whether a person has a standard of moderation determines it. Today, I will explain the mental logic. This perspective may help you identify who is mentally healthy.
The difference in social interactions
Our state of mind affects what kind of people we feel attracted to, as follows:
- Mentally healthy people prefer those with a standard of moderation. They stop associating with someone who accepts everything or denies anything. They feel such a person is unnatural.
- Mentally unhealthy people prefer those without a standard of moderation. They desire to be accepted entirely, so they stop associating with someone who denies them. They feel such a person is unworthy of their true happiness and love. They wish to be accepted no matter how much they exceed the limits.
That difference determines who to accompany.
An example of a mentally unhealthy man
To make it easier to understand, let’s look at an example.
Suppose there was a man with a mental complex. He wanted someone who would accept him completely. That desire made him do disgusting things to his lovers, making them test their love for him. He thought that if they truly loved him, they would accept him without denying him.
Since he was deeply anxious about his self-worth, he increasingly harassed his partners. Naturally, they left. He was disliked and strangely felt a sense of relief: ‘After all, I am someone no one loves.’ That was the only principle he could rely on within his confusing mind.
In other words, he wanted a reliable law he could depend on amidst the chaos.
In this situation, he chose people as his lovers who endure unpleasant things. He also continued to be patient even when his partners did disgusting things to him. Both of them believed that no denial was true love. Then, when one of them could no longer bear that heavy love, their love ended.
The mentally healthy girl’s case
On the other hand, let’s say that there was a girl with a healthy mind. Since she was mentally independent, she didn’t need to be accepted infinitely. She understood that love meant what would be better in the long run, so she could point out when the other person made a mistake. Even if they ended up disliking her, it was fine as long as it helped the other person improve. That was her love.
Naturally, she chose a friend who could sometimes admonish her for wrongdoings. She compared it against her standards of moderation, and whenever she realized she was beyond them, she accepted it and reflected on it.
She chose the person who brings out the best in her as her partner. In other words, she had her own standards and also trusted her partner’s. She understood that pointing out the opponent’s wrongdoings and correcting each other was a part of love.
Even if her love ended up breaking up with her partner, she accepted her emotions without refusing her values and existence.
Establishing standards of moderation
That difference shows us how to solve our mental confusion.
One effective way is to cultivate rational judgment, as I explained many times over the past year. Rationality provides moderation, which enables us to accept others’ behaviors, including negative ones. The wrongdoings of others or ourselves don’t matter; correcting each other based on each criterion does.
Since we can judge and accept reasonably, we don’t demand infinite patience from others and ourselves. That satisfies our desire to be accepted, even without infinite acceptance.
In other words, mental health and independence mean having one’s own standards of moderation. That is why seeking unlimited acceptance is unhealthy.
Empathic and logical people, like us, can consider others’ circumstances. It means that we can experience deep love when we can establish such standards within ourselves. We call the collection of standards philosophy. It enables us to feel love, even for someone who intentionally teaches us harsh truths.
Conclusion
That is why people with unhealthy mental states associate with similar people.
Whether a person has a standard for moderation determines it.
That perspective may help you identify who is mentally healthy and solve your mental confusion.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope to see you in the next one.
